The Single Life Hit Me Like a Ton of Bricks

Since I have left my ex, I have been doing what I can to rebuild my friendships, catch up with the world, and catch up with myself.
This includes BBQ’s, my kids’ friend’s birthdays, my friend's birthdays, their kids' birthdays, dinners, movies, and all that jazz.
I was invited to go swimming a few weeks ago by my friend.
Without a second thought, I said, “Yes!” Got my kids ready, got myself ready, and off we went!
I was having a great time until, for some reason (I swear I have ADD lol), it just hit me like a ton of bricks: I realized how HAPPY I felt.

Maybe I was too dependent but when I went to celebrations and get-togethers while married, I always felt alone.
Everyone else seemed like they were there with their boyfriends/girlfriends or husbands/wives and there I was... by myself with the kids.

“So glad you could make it!”
“Sure! Thanks for inviting me!”
“Where is your husband?”
“Oh, he’s sleeping because he has work tonight.”
“Oh, bummer! Maybe next time!”

That conversation was repeated a HUNDRED times.
And those HUNDREDS of times, was always a lie.
Because he was never sleeping. He was doing his own thing.
Because the last few years, he had the weekends off but I still handed out that excuse because he simply didn’t want to go.

It’s not to say he doesn’t deserve some alone time or time to rest. Any man working hard to provide for his family deserves some down time… including women. haha
But in the 8-9 years that we have been together for, he’s still a mystery to most of the people in my life.
No one knows who he is.

Back to the point, now that I’m single, I feel more…. Whatever the opposite of what lonely would be.
I actually enjoy my time with my friends instead of wishing that he was there or feeling bad that I’m out while he’s at home by himself.  
I don’t have to rush home to make him a separate dinner or go on a food run for him.
I can do whatever and go wherever I please without feeling rejected by him.
I can go on adventures and make memories without feeling guilty.

I enjoy my time being ALONE. I enjoy having the freedom to take my kids where I want spontaneously.

Maybe this was my own demise. Maybe I was too dependent. Maybe I expected too much.
As an introvert and someone with social anxiety, I do like having someone to use as a crutch, not gonna lie (I do make the effort to put myself out there though, crutch or not).
But all I know is that I don’t FEEL “single”. I’m now INTENTIONALLY single. And it feels great!
The statement is true: It is better to be alone than being with someone who makes you feel alone.

I am FAR from feeling alone now.
I have myself, my kids, my family, and my friends.
When the right guy comes along, he’ll be a part of that equation.

But for now, I’m single and lovin’ it.

HAPPINESS hit me like a ton of bricks.

Moral of the story: Choose happiness. Believe it or not, YOU have control. You have the power to make choices - from making the best of a situation to changing the situation.

Until next time!
   Yeon